When life hits you like a ton of bricks...

When life hits you like a ton of bricks, sit yourself down and take a deep breath.

Over the last three months, I've been going back and forth to Boston to help my elderly father who was living alone for about three years. His health had been progressively deteriorating to the point where falls and other mishaps were becoming a common occurrence.

He was hospitalized and from there went to recover in a rehabilitation facility. Now he’s residing in an Assisted Living facility. He and I have had some of the most tender hearted and gut wrenching conversations of our entire lives. He's not returning to his home. He's talking about joining my mother who passed away in 2019. He's sharing memories of his childhood and WWII. We’ve talked about the necessary stuff - what to do with the house, the $$, this belonging and that belonging. It's all so surreal.

There’s lots of adjustments. Eating meals with a group of strangers. Having aides come in to check in at all times of day and night. Becoming familiar with new surroundings. All the while I watch, quietly from the sideline praying that he adjusts to everything while impatiently using a walker. There’s times when he’s down and times when he is up. Hearing the changing energy in his voice is very emotional for me.

When I left to come home a few weeks ago, it was difficult. Hard to say goodbye till next time and hard to leave him in unfamiliar hands. Trust. Have faith. Believe. I’m doing all those things. Day by day.

How do you hold on to someone you love so much when illness brings worry, sadness and suffering? In our society we are conditioned to fight against aging, illness and death. Yet as we hold on and try to keep control, we often bring undue stress, fear and distress to everyone involved. I know I have recently fallen into that trap.

It’s so important to communicate to the point of being brutally honest to each other. To realize that the ultimate importance is the care, compassion for and wishes of your loved one.

The concept of Aparigraha - non attachment also comes to mind. When you find yourself suffering from anxiety, depression, grief, or stress it may be helpful to ask yourself whether the cause of your suffering is related to your attachment to that special someone.

Reminding yourself that nothing is permanent may not feel immediately comforting, but it could help bring things into perspective over time… I know I'm working on it. ❤️

And when you need to practice some breathwork to help with anxious feelings here's a tip: sitting or standing, eyes closed or softly open, bring your hands with palms facing towards each other in front of your belly. Now press your fingertips and the tips your thumbs together. So in effect, your fingers are pushing towards each other. This is Hakini Mudra.

Inhaling through your nostrils, envision a soothing image or thought (peace, love, etc.) at your third eye. Exhale through the nostrils longer than your inhalation. Repeat 5 to 15 breaths.

Remember good mental health is great mental wealth. I would love to share more with you if you are interested in talking with me. Email me at info@susanproperyoga.com